Jan Moir Are You Ready To Order

Sushinho opened its doors for the first time this week. The question I am asking myself is, why did they bother? Even before Sushinho had served what turned out to be our Worst Dish of the Year, this lacklustre new fusion restaurant in Chelsea did enough to make even the most fizzing festive spirits nosedive into the pits of despair. A shame! For - in theory at least – their Brazilian/Japanese hybrid food sounded quite exciting.

According to Sushinho, Brazil is home to the largest number of ethnic Japanese in the world living outside Japan. This cultural infusion has given rise, it says here, to the creation of a new type of cuisine; Japanese dishes made with exotic Brazilian ingredients and Brazilian Portuguese influence. Well, why not? The Peruvian/Japanese fusion food of Nobu was a smash hit when it was launched in 1987 and went on to become a global brand.

Sushinho clearly want to make the same kind of impact and promise food that is full of ‘flavour, zest, warmth and spirit’. The odd thing is, this exactly – but exactly! - describes what it lacks.

During our long lunch there, along with two Vietnamese friends in dire need of something fresh and peppy - like their lively native cuisine - we are the only table amid a battery of staff swirling around in their matt black uniforms. One good point which the boys ask me to emphasise; the waitresses are all ravishingly beautiful. S suggests shutting the kitchen and turning it into a glam cocktail bar. It is certainly an idea.

We sit by the front window and try to work out the gastronomic and geographic complications of a Brazilian/Japanese menu. The dishes are arranged into sections such as grelhados (grills), the self explanatory entradas and acompanhamentos, plus sushi especials, gunkan, hosomaki, temaki, sashimi, nigiri and combinados sections. The fusion element is at its most most obvious in the house special dishes such as crispy pork belly with feijoada bean puree; and grilled tuna with cassava puree and chimichurri sauce. And also in the availability of other dishes, such as cassava chips; crumbed plantain; and palmito salad, alongside preparations such as crunchy salmon tartare maki and cucumber rolls.

Soggy . . . they haven't a clue

To begin, we go for something simple; a portion of wasabi prawns from the starter selection. They sound good, don’t they? Yet what arrives is a bowl of frozen battered prawns. They are badly presented and completely tasteless. Where is the wasabi? It is never a shy ingredient or something that is hard to identify in a dish, yet here you would need a forensic palate to locate its presence. Grilled baby octopus? Less of the baby, please. It’s a little more like baby’s big brother octopus, served on a large leaf, garnished with half a fresh lime. The latter has one segment removed, making it easier and neater to squirt the juice over your food. A nifty idea to try at home. The octopus is fine – good and tender - but somehow, the dipping sauce of garlic, oil, chilli and parsley – a lame chimmichurri? – is wan and tasteless.

Then something else arrives. It is a tower with two sections; the bottom half a cylinder of chopped red onion and both red and green peppers, the top a huge furl of farmed, chopped salmon in all its fatty glory. They call this the seafood tartare salad. The Sushinho Combination (£32), features six pieces of sashimi, eight pieces of nigiri and eight pieces of assorted maki. The problem is they are all maki-ed from cheap ingredients such as horrible, tasteless tuna blocks, salmon - featuring a white stripe of fat content that is almost wider than the orange stripe of fish content - and lumps of farmed seabass - all fridge cold. That was the sashimi part.

Nigiri prawn, nigiri salmon on rice and yellowtail tuna? California rolls? Again, all served straight from the depths of a cranked up fridge and all too cold and therefore too tasteless to enjoy properly.

Our worst dish of the year? Without doubt the Sushinho Rolls from their list of house sushi specials. It is a gut gurgling mixture of farmed salmon, crab and cream cheese dipped into batter and deep fried. If you have ever wanted to know what a savoury deep fried Mars bar would taste like, this should give you a hint.

After this chilly fish fest, no one feels like pudding. Just as well. Desserts continue in much the same theme and cost £7.50 each. We won’t be back.

• Sushinho, 312 Kings Road , Chelsea , London SW3 5UH. Tel: 020 7349 7496. Lunch or dinner for two, excluding drinks and service, £70.